STILL SEARCHING

LOOKING FOR MY BIRTH DAUGHTER-IS MY AN ANGEL OUT THERE?

I feel that I am posting this on my blog site for a reason whether it is my whole heart desire to be able to know my birth daughter someday or the Holy Spirit guiding me I feel at peace adding this to my site.

I want to state that my life has been blessed by my two wonderful sons Adam and Ameer who are 18 and 24 years old and know about their birth sister, but only a woman that has given up a child can understand the loss that I have felt over the years. It is not something that one thinks about on a daily basis you could not........ because it would be mentally to painful, but you never forget the child that you held in your arms after their birth...whether they stayed with you or were taken from your arms.

I do believe that my birth daughter probably had a better life, since I was not mature enough or financially able to keep her. I want to state to the grandparents out there I believe it is easier for the parties involved, if they are given the choice and not put into a position where they do not have a choice. I am speaking to the parents who might be in the position my parents were in....please consider your child's wishes/feelings....even if you feel that the decision you make is for the best.

I want to say to those children that were adopted that your birth mother I believe loved you with all her heart and she did not want to let you go... she had dreams for you...a better life. She did not abort you, because of the love she had for you and God. She knew or felt she could not give you all that she desired for you...it truly is an unselfish act to give up a child. It is a journey that will never end....a heartache that can be healed to some degree when she holds her first child that she was able to raise and love......but you will always be her first born. Your birth mother will always feel that there is a void that she can not fill, because when you were adopted your life continued with a new family, but for her it was as if you died and she was unable to put you to rest. You were not and are not dead, so there was never any closure....only a beginning with no end.

My heart longs to hear your voice, see your face, hug you, and for you to know that you are part of me both in mind and soul.....the search continues for the Angel that I lost.............. I named her Tessie Marie Sudduth at birth 05/19 she would be 27 now, because I had her when I was 19 years old. My name was Terry Jean Matlock and I was 19 years old when I had her in New Orleans, LA. Her birth dad would be Jessie Sudduth and he was 25 at the time of her birth and he already had a 4 yr old son named Jessie Jr. Her birth grandparents are Shirley and Michael Gilder. I lived in Watson, LA and was a grad from Live Oak High School. Her birth dad was a E4 in the National Guard in Baton Rouge, LA and he lived in Denham Springs, LA.

I gave birth to her in New Orleans, LA and was a resident of a Catholic Mother's Home off St. Charles Street at the time. She spent 5 days with me before my parents forced me to give her up for adoption.

The only information I have about her birth parents are they lived in the Kenner/Metarie, LA area outside of New Orleans both were in their 40's. The adopted mom was a school teacher and the adopted dad was a Engineer, they were of German descent, and they both did not smoke.

My birth daughter might have the green, pink, and white baby blanket with a letter that I left at the maturity home for them to give to her adopted parents and to share the letter with her when she got older.

If you are my birth daughter and would like to get in touch with me please contact me here on this site.