HOPING

Hope you are having a blessed day and weekend......going to take a hot shower.......it is very cold in Omaha today......nice hot shower.....cozy pj's.....wrapped in warmth under a blanket....snuggled up on the couch....my hands wrapped around the mug of international coffee.....counting my blessings...thinking of the warmth and love coming from all around me....praying that we can all feel the same.

Hoping for the hopeless to find hope, the homeless to find a home, the unemployed to keep or find a job, the hungry to find food or be blessed with the same, and those without any of these things to find Jesus who can supply all these things and more!!! He can and will supply us with our needs and our wants, because he is a awesome God.

Just wanted to take a moment to praise and lift up my prayers to my heavenly father and hope my words have supplied hope to all who read this and you take a moment to be thankful, hopeful, and be in agreement with me for all to be blessed in this great country of ours. One nation under God......Amen.

STILL SEARCHING

LOOKING FOR MY BIRTH DAUGHTER-IS MY AN ANGEL OUT THERE?

I feel that I am posting this on my blog site for a reason whether it is my whole heart desire to be able to know my birth daughter someday or the Holy Spirit guiding me I feel at peace adding this to my site.

I want to state that my life has been blessed by my two wonderful sons Adam and Ameer who are 18 and 24 years old and know about their birth sister, but only a woman that has given up a child can understand the loss that I have felt over the years. It is not something that one thinks about on a daily basis you could not........ because it would be mentally to painful, but you never forget the child that you held in your arms after their birth...whether they stayed with you or were taken from your arms.

I do believe that my birth daughter probably had a better life, since I was not mature enough or financially able to keep her. I want to state to the grandparents out there I believe it is easier for the parties involved, if they are given the choice and not put into a position where they do not have a choice. I am speaking to the parents who might be in the position my parents were in....please consider your child's wishes/feelings....even if you feel that the decision you make is for the best.

I want to say to those children that were adopted that your birth mother I believe loved you with all her heart and she did not want to let you go... she had dreams for you...a better life. She did not abort you, because of the love she had for you and God. She knew or felt she could not give you all that she desired for you...it truly is an unselfish act to give up a child. It is a journey that will never end....a heartache that can be healed to some degree when she holds her first child that she was able to raise and love......but you will always be her first born. Your birth mother will always feel that there is a void that she can not fill, because when you were adopted your life continued with a new family, but for her it was as if you died and she was unable to put you to rest. You were not and are not dead, so there was never any closure....only a beginning with no end.

My heart longs to hear your voice, see your face, hug you, and for you to know that you are part of me both in mind and soul.....the search continues for the Angel that I lost.............. I named her Tessie Marie Sudduth at birth 05/19 she would be 27 now, because I had her when I was 19 years old. My name was Terry Jean Matlock and I was 19 years old when I had her in New Orleans, LA. Her birth dad would be Jessie Sudduth and he was 25 at the time of her birth and he already had a 4 yr old son named Jessie Jr. Her birth grandparents are Shirley and Michael Gilder. I lived in Watson, LA and was a grad from Live Oak High School. Her birth dad was a E4 in the National Guard in Baton Rouge, LA and he lived in Denham Springs, LA.

I gave birth to her in New Orleans, LA and was a resident of a Catholic Mother's Home off St. Charles Street at the time. She spent 5 days with me before my parents forced me to give her up for adoption.

The only information I have about her birth parents are they lived in the Kenner/Metarie, LA area outside of New Orleans both were in their 40's. The adopted mom was a school teacher and the adopted dad was a Engineer, they were of German descent, and they both did not smoke.

My birth daughter might have the green, pink, and white baby blanket with a letter that I left at the maturity home for them to give to her adopted parents and to share the letter with her when she got older.

If you are my birth daughter and would like to get in touch with me please contact me here on this site.

WORD UP

WORD UP

I love to write so in many ways emailing is a tool for my creative side and reaches out to my expressive side, so whether it is on a site like TAGGED, YAHOO, or a similar site it can be a blessing and at others a shock at what one learns about a person.

It always amazes me how somebody you get to know through a email can sometimes lift you up or how very insightful it can be to their core (spirit). The written word to me is a powerful tool which can encourage, hurt, be thought provoking and a lot of times misunderstood, since you can not see or hear the inflection in someones voice or the emotion on their face.

I have at times had my own feelings hurt or been disgusted by something I read in a email; therefore it made me think how powerful the written word is. I know we always have heard about how powerful the spoken word is......people have said, " you can not take back your words once it is out there", but to me it is the same as the written word.....even if you delete the written word whoever read it still has it imprinted in their brain; therefore I pray that God allows my words to encourage and lift someone in a good way and I hope to never destroy or break down someones hopes, dreams, or life by my words. I want my words to linger in your mind, wrap around your soul like a warm blanket, and send your mind to a place of thoughtfulness and to never be like a sword that cuts and kills.

Please think about the above things next time you send/reply to an email or write anything that is personal in nature.

Remember words can be like bee's spreading pollen to create many beautiful things or like their stingers causing a lot of pain.