GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU

A friend of mine on Tagged stated in their profile, "That they had messed up in their first relationship". Additionally stating, "it was impossible to find someone to love and they did not think that there was another soul mate for them out there".



Well I want to address the above statements, because I have been married twice and I truly believe that God has someone out there for me, because I do not think that they were my soul mates.I think a soul mate is someone sent to you by God. Just think about what the bible says,"What God has put together let no man put it under". Well God gave us the ability of choice..in fact we are the only living creatures he created this way; therefore we make our own choices. A choice is not designed by God it is given by him as our free spirit. God does speak to us (it is that inner feeling I believe of right and wrong). I believe that if what you have chosen is from God everything will fall into place naturally, which means to me that it will pretty much be effortless. I truly believe this to be the case.

In conclusion my friends take heart and know that for everyone there is a someone...if we are only still and listen to that voice of reasoning (not ours) and give our will over to God. May each of you be touched by love on this earth, but always remember that the greatest love is your Heavenly Father for you.

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT

I would like to set the record straight regarding a blog I wrote titled "Your Words Can Cut Like a Knife". Please note that this blog was about words and how it can effect someone whether one realizes it or not. I have also come to realize if my supervisor had read my blog my words might of offended her and that is not and was not my intent.

My supervisor and friend did react as I described in my blog that day, but mention of her behavior that day in no way describes her as a person. I would like to state for the record that I refer to her as our butterfly or Sunshine, because she is constantly moving about-the ultimate description of a social butterfly and her personality lights up a room just as sunshine does. She has a way of making friends with everyone she meets and has a laugh that reminds one of a babbling brook, so refreshing and it draws you in making you want to laugh as well. She is a not an affection person in the sense that she is demonstrative, but she does show her concern and love in so many more ways. She has often made me cry (in a good way) with something she has complimented me on, or in a card she has given me, or just like she did several weeks ago surprising me with a gift card for all the hard work I had been doing..not because she had to do this simply because she wanted to, which made this so much more special.

At times you might not like what she has to say, because she is so straight forward with her words. I think it it is better than the people who beat around the bush or hide their feelings, because at least you know where you stand with her. Her honesty with you is something that needs to be appreciated even if it might hurt at the time.

I hope this blog has set the record straight about a woman who I do love and care about and whom I am glad to call my supervisor and friend.

YOUR WORDS CAN CUT LIKE A KNIFE

This past Tuesday started out as a typical day for me. I awoke at 4:00 am unable to sleep due to my diet pills and sleep apnea, so I went into work at 5:30 am. I was weary that morning, working on about 3 hours of sleep, concerned for my son who was ill and my desk at work - torn between being a good mom or a hard worker who cares about her job, especially in these times.

I called to wake up my son at 7:05 thinking despite the illness and pain he would be able to go to school; knowing how important it was to him and me, since he is a Senior this year. I could tell when he answered the phone that he was in pain and my heart was sad wanting to leave work and take him to the doctor right that moment, but I knew I needed make an appointment. I sent an email to my supervisor advising her of the situation stating, " I would need to leave work a little early that day, since my son was so sick."

My supervisor did not arrive until 8:00, which is my normal scheduled time as well. She must of checked her email sometime after 8:30, because I know I had already called the doctor's office and scheduled my son for 3:15. Her email reply concerned me, because she was implying that this would be considered an occurrence. She stated that she was concerned for my desk (not me) receiving numerous complaint calls, I was messing up on my files, and I never returned my calls.

What is the saying read between the lines. I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress,so needless to say it appears to be worse when I am very tired and weary. I went to her desk to discuss her email to me, since the comments were not founded on truth.

I stood in front of her trying to be respectful and diplomatic in the words I choose to address the situation. I looked at her and said, "please give me an example of how I have not meet your expectations in the handling of my files." She immediately crossed her hands across her chest, her eyes narrowed to almost black slits, and she pushed her chair back from me glaring up at me with a snarl across her lips....the bale poured forth from her lips as she stated, " you are the only adjuster I get complaints on, you never return your calls, and you failed to add the person's name to the shop check." I took a deep breath looked her straight in her eyes and stated, "Are you serious? I am the only adjuster that you get complaint calls on?" There are 4 other adjusters on our team and one had just completed 90 days of probation for the same and worse. She stated, "Yes your the only adjuster that there are valid complaints against, you never return your calls, and you mess up constantly." She than stated, "that she no longer wanted to discuss it and turned her back to me."

I went back to my desk sat there crying silently as I worked on my desk....thinking about how I have stayed until 6 and 7 some night to return calls, given customers my own personal cell number to help them, given guidance and help to my team mates whenever asked, even though I was swamped myself.I felt like a battery that someone had drained all the juice from...I had no energy, no spark of life, and I could not get my engine started....the only thing that seems to be flowing were the silent tears that kept rolling down my cheeks. I cried until I could not see with my back to the wall of my petition. I went outside several times to smoke, but nothing seemed to calm my bundle of nerves. I felt as if I was having a out of body experience.

Later that evening at home I sat on my couch and the days events all came flooding back to me...I realized as I sat there crying again that my supervisor had caused me to have a PTS moment. I suffer from PTS, because I was in a emotional and physically abusive marriage for 16 years. Her words, the look on her face, the way she spoke to me was a female version of my ex-husband...her words slicing through my emotional soul just like he had so many years ago.

I have come to realize that the physical wounds have long since healed from his hands, but the emotional ones are like fresh cuts that someone tore the band-aid off...just as hurtful as the day it occurred. I do not write this to point a finger at my supervisor, but it is more of a need to understand how PTS effects me, and in the hopes that someone will read this and relate to how their words can effect someone in a very profound way and at others can feel like a knife slicing through your emotional skin, so please think before you speak....your words once spoken can never be taken back.....they can and will leave scars for years to come.

HOPING

Hope you are having a blessed day and weekend......going to take a hot shower.......it is very cold in Omaha today......nice hot shower.....cozy pj's.....wrapped in warmth under a blanket....snuggled up on the couch....my hands wrapped around the mug of international coffee.....counting my blessings...thinking of the warmth and love coming from all around me....praying that we can all feel the same.

Hoping for the hopeless to find hope, the homeless to find a home, the unemployed to keep or find a job, the hungry to find food or be blessed with the same, and those without any of these things to find Jesus who can supply all these things and more!!! He can and will supply us with our needs and our wants, because he is a awesome God.

Just wanted to take a moment to praise and lift up my prayers to my heavenly father and hope my words have supplied hope to all who read this and you take a moment to be thankful, hopeful, and be in agreement with me for all to be blessed in this great country of ours. One nation under God......Amen.

STILL SEARCHING

LOOKING FOR MY BIRTH DAUGHTER-IS MY AN ANGEL OUT THERE?

I feel that I am posting this on my blog site for a reason whether it is my whole heart desire to be able to know my birth daughter someday or the Holy Spirit guiding me I feel at peace adding this to my site.

I want to state that my life has been blessed by my two wonderful sons Adam and Ameer who are 18 and 24 years old and know about their birth sister, but only a woman that has given up a child can understand the loss that I have felt over the years. It is not something that one thinks about on a daily basis you could not........ because it would be mentally to painful, but you never forget the child that you held in your arms after their birth...whether they stayed with you or were taken from your arms.

I do believe that my birth daughter probably had a better life, since I was not mature enough or financially able to keep her. I want to state to the grandparents out there I believe it is easier for the parties involved, if they are given the choice and not put into a position where they do not have a choice. I am speaking to the parents who might be in the position my parents were in....please consider your child's wishes/feelings....even if you feel that the decision you make is for the best.

I want to say to those children that were adopted that your birth mother I believe loved you with all her heart and she did not want to let you go... she had dreams for you...a better life. She did not abort you, because of the love she had for you and God. She knew or felt she could not give you all that she desired for you...it truly is an unselfish act to give up a child. It is a journey that will never end....a heartache that can be healed to some degree when she holds her first child that she was able to raise and love......but you will always be her first born. Your birth mother will always feel that there is a void that she can not fill, because when you were adopted your life continued with a new family, but for her it was as if you died and she was unable to put you to rest. You were not and are not dead, so there was never any closure....only a beginning with no end.

My heart longs to hear your voice, see your face, hug you, and for you to know that you are part of me both in mind and soul.....the search continues for the Angel that I lost.............. I named her Tessie Marie Sudduth at birth 05/19 she would be 27 now, because I had her when I was 19 years old. My name was Terry Jean Matlock and I was 19 years old when I had her in New Orleans, LA. Her birth dad would be Jessie Sudduth and he was 25 at the time of her birth and he already had a 4 yr old son named Jessie Jr. Her birth grandparents are Shirley and Michael Gilder. I lived in Watson, LA and was a grad from Live Oak High School. Her birth dad was a E4 in the National Guard in Baton Rouge, LA and he lived in Denham Springs, LA.

I gave birth to her in New Orleans, LA and was a resident of a Catholic Mother's Home off St. Charles Street at the time. She spent 5 days with me before my parents forced me to give her up for adoption.

The only information I have about her birth parents are they lived in the Kenner/Metarie, LA area outside of New Orleans both were in their 40's. The adopted mom was a school teacher and the adopted dad was a Engineer, they were of German descent, and they both did not smoke.

My birth daughter might have the green, pink, and white baby blanket with a letter that I left at the maturity home for them to give to her adopted parents and to share the letter with her when she got older.

If you are my birth daughter and would like to get in touch with me please contact me here on this site.

WORD UP

WORD UP

I love to write so in many ways emailing is a tool for my creative side and reaches out to my expressive side, so whether it is on a site like TAGGED, YAHOO, or a similar site it can be a blessing and at others a shock at what one learns about a person.

It always amazes me how somebody you get to know through a email can sometimes lift you up or how very insightful it can be to their core (spirit). The written word to me is a powerful tool which can encourage, hurt, be thought provoking and a lot of times misunderstood, since you can not see or hear the inflection in someones voice or the emotion on their face.

I have at times had my own feelings hurt or been disgusted by something I read in a email; therefore it made me think how powerful the written word is. I know we always have heard about how powerful the spoken word is......people have said, " you can not take back your words once it is out there", but to me it is the same as the written word.....even if you delete the written word whoever read it still has it imprinted in their brain; therefore I pray that God allows my words to encourage and lift someone in a good way and I hope to never destroy or break down someones hopes, dreams, or life by my words. I want my words to linger in your mind, wrap around your soul like a warm blanket, and send your mind to a place of thoughtfulness and to never be like a sword that cuts and kills.

Please think about the above things next time you send/reply to an email or write anything that is personal in nature.

Remember words can be like bee's spreading pollen to create many beautiful things or like their stingers causing a lot of pain.

COUNTING OUR BLESSINGS

COUNTING OUR BLESSINGS

I know that this is almost the end of January and I am recalling thoughts from a month ago, but bear with me and I hope that you will be able to count your blessings.

I have worked in the insurance industry for 16 years now and in every job that I held except for my current one we never had Christmas Eve off and we certainly did not get it off early; therefore it was a real blessing when my current employer allowed us to leave at 3:00 on all the major holidays. Well needless to say in these uncertain economic times this was taken from us this year! Well it took me until Christmas Eve of this year to realize that there was a blessing in this as well. You see it dawned on me as I heard the rumbling and complaints around my office about not being let off early from my fellow co workers.....that I was truly blessed, because there was someone out there that would love to be in my co-workers shoes to have a job to complain about not getting off early from...to be able to complain about how much work they would have after returning from their holiday break....needless to say on 12/26/08 I smiled as I sat down to my pile of mail, new claims, and the thousands of voice mails on my phone. I smiled and bowed my head to give thanks for my blessing of being piled under instead of being unemployed. I shared these thoughts with my co workers and unemployed son that day and they too counted their blessing.

Have you remembered to count your blessings today or recently? Remember God does not bring you too it that he will not bring you through it, so keep counting.